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"I could have met you in the sandbox...I could have passed you on the sidewalk"

Hmm...sometimes I am so nostalgic...

I have been doing a great deal of self-discovering and some reinventing of self...
Do not get me wrong. I love who I am and I love the things I do, however everytime something new or interesting comes up I tweak my views and thoughts. I was looking for a past entry where I had explained my definitions for how making love and fucking are two different things and I came across this entry. I talked about basically the things and aspects that I expect or desire in a man.

Last year I had reached a point in my life where I had come to dislike meaningless sex. I wanted to make love to someone who I felt emotionally and mentally connected to. I despise the feeling of, not regret mind you, but emptiness that ensues after a night of relinquished passion. The knowledge that after the "act" has been completed I slide out of bed, put my clothes on, and say "See ya later" and walk out the door. I did that an uncountable number of times from the age of 17-21. I think it is great for what it was at the time, I was able to experiment with sex, do different things with different people of different ages, different penis sizes, et cetera; it was a fabulous experience. Though satisfying in the physical realm, it was quite lacking in the mental and emotional senses.

Sometimes I wonder if I scare some men? My friend ronalum said that some men are afraid of women who are direct and know what they want...*shrug* I still stand true to my belief, to get what you want you have to ask for it. Perhaps this makes me sound rather straight-forward, blunt, and perhaps cold? The truth is, I always ask nicely the first time, even the second, third, and sometimes fourth. Even the first time I am assertive and tactful on how and what I ask.

On to the matter at heart...though it was written a year ago I have found a way to write of it more eloquently and I have also put more thought into it. The points have not changed, they have only been raised up a bar. At the time when I wrote that entry I was getting over a long and tenuous relationship. I was frustrated, angry, hurt, and above all else, disappointed. Not so much in him, though at the time that is what I thought, but more so in myself for having stayed in a relationship that I knew in my heart was never going to amount to anything. Well, at least, it was not going to amount to the loving, adoring, and unconditional love that I seek. I was disappointed in myself for not being strong enough to end it when I should have.

So my desires were, and are still, this:
  • Intelligent
  • Mentally Stable
  • Financially Stable
  • Similar humor as me
  • Active (physically and sexually)
  • Thoughtful to Romantic
  • Ambitious


At the time when I wrote this I was beginning to think that this was way too much to expect from one person. However...I only ask for what I know I can give in return.

Intelligent
I want to be able to speak to someone about anything and everything. I have discovered above all else the biggest attraction and turn-on for me is a man's intelligence and wit. I want to be able to talk to someone who I know over time will understand me well enough where I do not have to go in great depth on things I explain. This way, I can maintain the abstract flow of thought and conversation, without having to explain what every spec of the conversation means. I have suffered that with way too many men, and people in general.

I also want someone who is not constantly agreeing with everything I say, someone who has a mind of his own, his own ideas, thoughts, feelings, creativity. I do not need a double. I have been told by many that it is enough for this world to have one Natalie. I want someone who is strong enough to not let me have my way all the time. I have found that I am able to get almost anything I want and men have rarely said no to me. Why am I complaining you ask? Because I think I get things done my way too much. Do not misunderstand...I hate the words "no" or "can't do it", but I hate it more when someone cannot say those words to me.

My mom wants me to date someone I can control...I do not. I need someone who is as strong an individual as I am.

Mentally Stable
I want someone who has high self-esteem and one who is secure in himself. He knows who he is, he knows what he wants from me and in relationships. Of course, this is not written in stone, people change, things change, therefore ideas and feelings are most likely to follow. However, an idea or feeling of those things would be enough for me. I understand that everyone has some sort of baggage. I do not expect him to tell me about his baggage or explain it to me, because I am smart enough to figure it out for myself as I get to know him, on that same note, it does not mean he should not tell me if he wishes to do so. The important part of it is, how does he handle his baggage? Does he deal with his situations? Does he just sit there and wallow in self pity? Does he run away? In a preferred scenario, he handles his situations, learns from them whether the outcome was positive or negative and moves on with his life with that knowledge in mind for future situations.

Along with the mental stability I need someone is able to communicate his feelings. I do not want to always sit there and have to pry things out of him to find out what is bothering him or what is on his mind. I want to be his lover, his inspiration, and above all else I want to be his best friend. I do not want to be seen as someone he can only go to for boyfriend/girlfriend type situations, I want him to be able to tell me anything he wants. I want him to be secure in my feelings for him and know that I can be his confidante.

Financially Stable
The man does not have to be a Bill Gates or Warren Buffett, but knowing how to manage money would be enough for me. I have dated so many men who cannot manage their money and they blow it on frivolous baubles when they cannot afford to. And I am not accusing anyone here, because I have bought a few baubles in my time, but I have gotten exceedingly good at co-mingling my funds. To be honest, I would prefer to marry someone who makes more than me so we could maintain the style of living if I had to quit for whatever reason, or if I wanted to quit so I could take care of our kids on a more personal basis. I might work part-time, just for the sake of not wanting to be bored, or better yet I would work from home.

Similar humor as me
This is also very important to me for a few reasons... First off my humor is a little...different. I have a dry and sarcastic sense of humor, which I have found lacking in the past men I have dated. I would make some sort of quip and they would ask, "What?" So being the kind and sweet girlfriend, I explain to them what I meant. However, after that is all said and done the situation is no longer very funny. I am fairly witty and another problem I have run across is men keeping up with me in conversation.

LOL...I just thought of something...back when I was dating the last guy my friend caballero said that I was really losing my wit and dumbing down. haha...it was funny because it was true. The longer I was away from my ex the wittiness came back...I think one night I was slamming caballero so much that he was probably wishing I would revert back...haha...Good times ;)

I love witty men, why? I feel it takes more intelligence to be witty versus slap-stick humor. Perhaps I am wrong, but that is what I have noted, and since I am never wrong, we all know what that means ;) As I said before this is another thing that highly attracts me to a man as it links it with his intelligence. Do not get me wrong...I laugh at almost anything, however, through the years my humor has become slightly more refined.

Active (physically and sexually)
I desire someone who is physically active because I love to do outdoor things. I love to go hiking, walking, and I enjoy nature in its raw beauty. I am very excited to start getting into some snow sports this year which include skiing, snowboarding, and snow shoeing. In the summer I am looking forward to kayaking, canoing, hiking, biking, and I would love to learn to scuba dive. :) I have no problems doing this on my own, but someday it would be nice to do it with someone that I am dating, not necessarily all of those things, but some. I also love going to ballets, musicals, plays, and I would love to go to the symphony or opera. So it would be great if he enjoys the same or at least is interested in taking me.

I will be honest...I love sex. I do not think I get enough of it, nor have I ever really in one said relationship. I love the cuddling, caressing, touching, naughty conversation ;) and everything that goes with either making love or fucking. The warmth, emotion, feeling that goes into sex with someone you care about. I want to be with someone who enjoys and is enthusiastic about it as I am. :)

Thoughtful to Romantic
The reason I say thoughtful to romantic is because I think it takes thoughtfulness to lead to the romance. It would be nice if there were flowers delivered to my work or house for no reason. Not because it is an anniversary, a holiday, or birthday, but a "just because". I love "just because" presents. I do them frequently with people I am with because it makes me feel good to give them something that they will enjoy and love. It is that surprise or smile that thrills me...it would be nice to be with someone who felt something like that as well. I have never dated someone who has given me things just because...there was always some reason or motive behind it. He does not even have to buy me anything, it could be something as simple as surprising me with dinner when I come home. *smile thoughtfully* Idealistic I am...

I want someone who is able to show interest in me when he is with me as well as when he is not. I have always been one who felt that actions speak much louder than words. I desire someone who is able to show his adoration and passion for me through his actions, not just by telling me.

Ambitious
I want him to have goals. Too many people want to settle for what they have and they lack the want for more. I want to be with someone who has a drive to learn to become better at whatever he wants. I want him to have the urge to better himself for himself and not necessarily for me. In a relationship I love impacting a persons life by being there, perhaps providing another aspect, outlook, and a different point of view or possibilities of how life can be different. However, I want someone who is able to take that information and not just mine, but whatever impacts him on a daily basis and say, "I should expand on that" or something to that effect. He just needs to have a thirst for knowledge, experience, and life.

I see myself as a dynamic person who enjoys experiences (negative or positive) and adventure. I love to explore the unknown, well the unknown to myself *watches the VP of Corp. Comm. walk by with a pool stick* Anyway...haha...

~~~~~~
So I have always wondered if that was too much to ask and if perhaps it is highly improbable that I will ever meet anyone will meet all of these minimum requirements and I always tell myself that it is not too much. Simply because I feel that I can provide someone with all those things.

I think that I am a difficult person to date though...some remarks I have received from ex's is that I am too demanding, I expect too much, and I am inquisitive as hell...

Perhaps I am difficult to date...but I know I am worth it ;)

I may look back on this and revise the ending on a more positive note, but at this moment I just got back from the gym and I really should get back to work...hehe...

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
gopherbabe
Nov. 10th, 2003 03:35 pm (UTC)
I think that is a great list that you have created there...hold onto it because I know someday someone will meet everyone on of those points! I found mine when I least expected him and he meets everything I have always wanted in a guy...I can understand what you are saying about meaningless sex...while I haven't had sex (because I'm waiting until I get married) I'm a person that wants that deep connection and emotional relationship with the person I am with...I live very much off of my emotions and relationships with people and know inside of me that I could never just "have sex" with someone that its something for me that is very deep and emotional!

*HUGS*
natalie516
Nov. 11th, 2003 08:08 am (UTC)
hehe...one can only hope :)
ronalum
Nov. 11th, 2003 02:22 pm (UTC)
We need to discuss cloning you, with, of course, the emphasis on the Y-chromosome. Seriously, nice job of pulling together a ton of conversational hours!
caballero
Nov. 12th, 2003 05:32 pm (UTC)
I'm curious
Last year I had reached a point in my life where I had come to dislike meaningless sex.

What triggered the sudden change in desire?

On your financial stability requirement, I think you grossly under-represent your desire. Last I checked, your minimum down payment (read engagement ring) needed to be at least 1.25 carats.

You also neglect one very important feature for any hope of maintaining a relationship with you--patience.

I think everyone has a list of relationship requirements. Mine reads more like the bottom of a software box than your list.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )