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So...

I just got back from playing billiards at Boston Billiards Club...it was ok. I met some nice people, gave a few people my e-mail and met someone that works at Gillette. Small world, eh? The past few days it has been kind of hard to focus on talking about anything really. I've been pretty miserable.

I have found that I am either crying or close to tears on a consistent basis, T, work, home...it doesn't matter...*sigh* I have come to the realization that this is completely my fault...I was stupid...I did something stupid. I should have taken care of it before it got this far...I wish I hadn't done things...I wish I had done certain things...it hurts...I feel nauseous. I'm so empty...I'm so tired... I've been dragging my ass all day...I haven't worked out in 4 days...I've been eating crap (Pizza Hut, McDonald's, et cetera)...which is not like me at all. I haven't done laundry...I haven't paid bills...I haven't cleaned my house...I haven't changed my sheets...

I feel like a mother who had a child and did not have the joy of watching the child grow...I feel so lost, confused, even now my eyes are closed as I type this entry... I just feel so drained...I keep thinking and re-thinking, hashing, re-hashing of this, that, everything...what went wrong, why did I do it?

Ok...I can't talk about this anymore...I am getting so worked up I feel like I have to puke...

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
theamandapanda
Nov. 19th, 2003 06:11 am (UTC)
Take your time to do what you need to do to get through this...whatever it is, I'm sorry. "time heals everything" Is that even a quote, and who said it? Anyway, hugs again.
rainb0w_brite
Nov. 19th, 2003 07:47 am (UTC)
hope u dont mind that i added you but u sound really kool!
natalie516
Nov. 19th, 2003 08:50 am (UTC)
lol...I don't mind...it's funny you would add me after reading that entry though...
rainb0w_brite
Nov. 19th, 2003 09:16 am (UTC)
tee hee hee
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )