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More on today...

Perhaps before I talk about anything too serious I should talk about what happened for Thanksgiving today :) Well...let's see...first we went to my Uncle's aunt's house and had tons of food there. You got to love a southern Thanksgiving...we are talking Red Beans and Rice, Seafood Gumbo, cornbread, potato pie, pecan pie...lol...of course you have your traditional potatoes, chicken, turkey, ham, stuffing, et cetera...whew...I was stuffed...and I was sooo freaking exhausted... I fell asleep on the way back to my Aunt Pat's house...lol...then she cooked as well *groan* ;) I was like, "Uh...we are eating again?" and she replied, "Child, you've been away from family too long" lol...perhaps she is right? *shrug* Whatever...

Onto some thoughts I had throughout the day...

It's really funny. I've always known this, but it's one of those things you kind of take for granted...the thing that I speak of is your surroundings, how they affect your wants and desires. It's funny isn't it? My mom and dad's relationship is rather lacking. They appear to have a marriage more of convenience then actual love and devotion. Don't get me wrong, my parents love one another I'm sure, but they don't really work to resolve their issues, or if one is ready to talk, the other does not want to and vice versa. It's so terribly silly. You know how long this has been going on? For about 9 years...*shake head* Personally? Either solve the damn problem or get divorced...my mom has been so miserable, in turn she's making my dad miserable. What kind of environment does that instill into me? Perhaps this is why I stay in relationships for too long...particularly ones that I don't think are going to work, or deep down I know never will.

It's not just them...my Aunt Pat and Uncle Erroll are the same...I don't think that when she married him this is what she imagined the marriage to be like. However, I suppose one has to ask themself, when has anything ever turned out the way one has imagined it? Never I suppose...not that it is necessarily a bad thing, however when I see them interact I just question if they care for one another. I mean, I am not saying they don't care about one another, it is hard to not care for someone if you've been with them for such a long time...I just mean they don't appear to be very happy. I know that is none of my business, but the only reason I mention it is because that is not how I want my life and my relationship to be. I want to have joy and laughter, I mean real joy and laughter...I want to come home and be excited to see that person...or if I come home from a trip I want to lust for them so badly that I can't wait to take their clothes off and... ;) well...you know me...lol...

All I'm saying is...those two relationships amongst numerous others has shown me what I definitely do not want.

I've been very tired lately...it's like I can't get enough sleep, however, I really hate sleeping too much, it makes me feel like I'm wasting my life that's why I go to sleep so late...oh...side note? Gas is $1.27 per gallon...ROFLMAO...ugh...

Anyway, back to the subject at hand..."You are the product of your environment.", who the hell said that? Right...Clement Stone...the rest of that quote?

"...So choose the environment that will best develop you toward your objective. Analyze your life in terms of its environment. Are the things around you helping you toward success -- or are they holding you back?"

I always thought, that was a bunch of bullshit...however, to that same affect, what are you a product of? I mean...If that is true...where does one even get the idea to become more or better than who she is? What if her experience is rather lacking...won't she only be able to decide what she has had impact her life? I suppose that leads me to another thought...perhaps that is why I've been feeling so odd...I just can't completely grasp though what I'm lacking...

  • More men?
  • More travelling?
  • More of...?
    Of what exactly?
  • More time?
  • More affection?
  • More wine?
  • More fun?
  • More???

Something...I need something to break me out of this ennui I've been feeling...it's experience...something that I am not experiencing and that I haven't experienced, and yet...I crave it. How does one assuage a need, when one does not quite understand what that need is? I've just been feeling so terribly restless...

I am not sure how to...I guess really figure that out and it is driving me a little crazy...

On another note...I've found that as enjoyable as moving around is...going to 14 different schools...having no close friends has become rather lonely. Not that I have issues talking to people, obviously, look at how many random strangers I talked to at the airport. It is just meeting people who are going to be good friends...I lack the enjoyment of a steady friend...*sigh* Oh well...I am feeling rather exhausted at the moment...perhaps it would be best if I ended this now and pick it up some other time.

Here's hoping I find romance...perhaps that is what I need...

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
chrisf_uk
Nov. 28th, 2003 05:16 pm (UTC)
*Gas is $1.27 per gallon...ROFLMAO...ugh...*

Why is this statement "ugh" ?? Explain..... :-)

chris xx
natalie516
Nov. 28th, 2003 07:45 pm (UTC)
Because gas is currently about $1.48 per gallon at the cheapest in Boston... :)
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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