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Happy Birthday to me...

So my birthday was 5 days ago...I consider it a monumental birthday...as it was my 25th...David bought me the following shirts:

It reads "I love my Geek"


It reads "Digital Angel" and it has digital wings on the back of the shirt


The poem reads:
Roses are #FF0000
Violets are #0000FF
All My Base
Are Belong to You
(for those of you who do not understand the "All My Base" reference click here)


This shirt has the steps to perform the "legendary" Hadouken move that Ryu and Ken use in Streetfighter!


This shirt has the menu that you would use in older style RPG games


And I think I am going to buy myself this one it reads "Rouges do it from behind" again, another old style RPG reference:


The past few weeks has been very hectic...on the day of my birthday I flew out to DC in the morning for the FEMA presentation then in the afternoon I flew out to Philly...it was not just me of course, it was the Project Manager and the Project Lead as well. We had a meeting the following day in Philly.

As for me...my birthday was ok...nothing overly fabulous...*shrug* David made me a cake which was good...and he took me out to an Indian restaurant for dinner yesterday. On the day of my birthday my co-workers embarrassed the crap out of me at a Thai restaurant... :-/

What else...oh yes...and the birthday present to myself (Greece) will be starting on the 23rd...I am very excited, but a little nervous as well!

Today I decided to go hiking...very last minute...of course I had no idea where I would go, so I stopped at the Barnes and Noble at North Shore Mall in Peabody, MA and checked out some cool hiking trails...so I am driving to New Hampshire...and I didn't realize it would take me so long to get to those places! Needless to say by the time I made it there (3 hours later) it started to rain :-( I did however, get to see the "Basin" on some river...which was positively lovely. I loved how the Basin was so deep and the rocks were so smooth because of the years of water rushing around it. I also loved how the water was so clear that the only thing that was coloring it was the rocks underneath...truly...the strength at which the water flowed was amazing. The drive itself was breath taking...as I was driving through White Mountains and I also stopped some at a place called the Wiley House Station. The view was absolutely breathtaking! The best routes for waterfalls in New Hampshire are 302 and 112! I think I will have to actually spend the night out there to truly get something out of it...like I said round-trip it was 6 hours...so it was a little harder for me to really enjoy it.

What else...I believe that is all...I can't think of anything else...for today anyway...

So I suppose I should quit avoiding this...I should pay homage to Ron...as I said before he was an absolutely amazing friend...I suppose I should start with how we met...back in 2002 when I first started my livejournal...I was interviewed by a young man named...Sean (I believe that was his name) aka fryfan, he passed away sometime last year from cancer...he was so young...only a year younger than me! Anyhow...Sean interviewed me for my school's (Seattle University) magazine on why I use livejournal, what I think of it, and if I enjoy using it. Ron, was an alumni from 1957 or was it 1959...anyhow...he was an alumni from Seattle University...he saw my article and contacted me via lj...I gave him a code so he could start his own journal (as back then that was the only way to have a livejournal created). We began chatting back and forth...and over the years through e-mail, lj, and phone conversations we became very good friends...we had an amazing connection with one another. Though in person I seem to be someone who is very outgoing...very friendly...and easy to get to know...in actuality I am not. I am very internal with my feelings and who I am. Do not misunderstand...I am very outspoken on opinions...but when it comes to me, or it involves me...I keep to myself. I only let people know what I want them to think or what I feel would best influence their thoughts and feelings about me...but rarely is that truly who I am. With Ron...I was just me. With Ron I was not false...how could I be? He knew me so well...he understood my feelings, he understood what I meant when I would say the most random or obscure things...he understood that I am not like everyone else...that I am not average. I am not saying that I am special or better than other people...but my thoughts on things...on life are extremely different from other people's...or perhaps...they are not so different, but I am one of the rare few who will acknowledge the "abnormal" thoughts or feelings I have. I know that sounds almost scary...especially when the word abnormal is used...and I will not divulge...because as I said there is much that I keep to myself...

The other thing Ron understood about me is that though I appear to be very naïve I am not...that is yet again...another portrayal that I choose to show to influence people's thoughts on who I am...or rather who I am not. He understood that though I was in my 20's...my mind worked like a much older person's...

It's funny...you never really think of how much you love someone until you know that their end is near...I couldn't stop crying when I heard that he had his stroke...and I was even worse when I found out that he died...there was so much that I never told him that I should have told him in person or on the phone...but I just never did. I never told him how much I love him...or how much I appreciated his friendship and mentorship...and if he were to die that I don't know what I would do...that my heart would literally break...as though a part of me died as well...never did I tell him that...and I suppose that is something that I am always going to have to live with...that regret.

I just pray that he knew...fortunately, I was able to get a letter out to him that his wife was kind enough to read to him for me...and though I did not go in to the depths that I did above I did at least get to let him know that I love him and that I wish he would be around for my wedding...the birth of my first child...and all those other firsts that I know will be important to me later in my life.

Honestly...I am crying now because it is just so...sad...and my heart just feels so heavy because I never told him. I don't think that there is anything worse in the world then losing a best friend and never telling them that they are your best friend. So I ended up flying out for his funeral...and I was just so grateful that they had cremated him...the last time I saw him (December 2005) he was so happy and laughing. I couldn't bear to see him in a coffin...lying there looking pale with the fake "peaceful" smile that the make-up people always manage to successfully create. I felt horrible because his family wanted me to attend the wake...but I couldn't...I just couldn't...if one more person came up to me and told me how much Ron loved me...I think I would never have stopped crying...So I left early...I know...it was selfish...but it was just getting to be too much for me to handle...I have been corresponding with his wife and her and I both agreed that I would visit her family during Christmas this year...I believe that this is something Ron would have wanted...

It is ironic...all these crazy things are happening to me now...and I just wish I could talk to him...one more time and get his advice...

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
coprolith
May. 21st, 2006 07:56 am (UTC)
That RPG thing is Rydia's menu, from Final Fantasy IV.



She's a fox.
coprolith
May. 21st, 2006 07:59 am (UTC)
But you probably already knew that anyway.
natalie516
May. 21st, 2006 04:26 pm (UTC)
;-) But of course! I am such a final fantasy...ok...I am just an RPG freak!
thebostonsox
May. 23rd, 2006 12:25 am (UTC)
Happy Belated Birthday Natalie!

Sorry to hear about your friend....

...I could totally feel that you had a lot of compassion for him by your entry.....

......very nicely written.

I don't know if you believe in spiritual stuff, but he'll always be looking out for you.

Have fun in Greece!
natalie516
May. 23rd, 2006 01:24 am (UTC)
Thanks, I will have fun in Greece :)
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )