?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

It's been awhile...

I know I say this so frequently...my life has been a bit of whirlwind between working and dancing. I think I will have to organize my life better so that I can make time to really reflect upon myself and what I'm doing. :) I've definitely been doing a lot of introspecting, just my ability to actually express it appropriately has been poor for a few years. It has been harder and harder for me to maintain my journal as the years have gone by. As usual I always feel that there is so much to say, but when I start typing I'm at a loss for words.

Perhaps it is too overwhelming for me to write once every few months... :) I will need to do a better job of writing perhaps once a week at the least.

Overall...I've just been enjoying life. It's so funny because when I was younger I was always so focused on the future...the 2 years, the 3, the 4, the 5 years from now that I never really enjoyed the moment I was in. It's hard to regret that attitude because I wouldn't be where I am today if I hadn't been so "future driven", though I do wish I had enjoyed those younger years more. Now, I am much more focused on living for the moment...enjoying who I am and learning to love myself. I always wonder about people and how they can so easily love themselves...I don't hate myself by any means, it is just I don't love myself as much as other people love themselves...lol...that sounds so horrible and I honestly don't mean to make it sound that way. I have just been working really hard at accepting who I am physically, emotionally, and mentally...it's rather challenging when you feel that you should be a different way.

I am of course still working on losing weight...though the purpose for losing weight has changed. It is no longer to be super hot and fit into a size 0...I am doing it now to be healthy, feel better about myself, and hopefully gain more self confidence. Irrelevant to how others may see me I'm really not that self confident about myself or my abilities. Me <-- work in progress :-)

I do catch myself not being as positive as I'd like to be so I have been trying to work on that as well...I'm doing my best to maintain my positive and carefree nature of life...because that is when I am the most happiest. Aside from working and working out I've been working on my dance a great deal. I love West Coast Swing...lately I've been so much happier as I've begun dancing. When I started dancing, it wasn't that I didn't enjoy it, it was more that I was concentrating so hard on being perfect and doing things perfectly that I couldn't really relax myself. Now...I feel a lot more relaxed...and I let myself just go with the flow...where ever my feet land they land...where ever my body turns it turns, I'm just kind of going with it. I'm just having so much more fun and when I do it I feel wonderful!

I did need to take a break last month...though I am loving the dance more I'm learning a lot more as well and I can see all my flaws and I have a laundry list of things I need to work on to make myself better...it can be quite overwhelming sometimes. The break was quite nice it just gave me an opportunity to relax...I did think about the dance almost every minute of the day...but I didn't do it. :-) It sounds like a drug...haha...oh well, there are worse things one could be addicted to I suppose.

Last weekend I attended an event, Swingin' Into Spring in Hartford, CT. I had a blast! I got to dance with many people that I haven't seen in awhile and I met new people as well! I ended up dancing with a strictly and ironically we drew one another in finals in the Jack and Jill! We got 1st in both :-) That was really exciting, but also kind of embarrassing...I know that sounds so weird, but I am so shy when I actually do well like that. Never in a million years did I ever believe I would ever make 1st place in anything...and I mean anything... it made me really happy! It ironically did not make me more confident...lol...I know that's so weird...but I still just see my flaws. I'm going to be working on the self confidence for awhile.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
cellophn
Jul. 10th, 2010 04:50 pm (UTC)
Long time no talk... we should catch up.. hope all is well , keep up the dancing its fun and good.. and yes do it for yourself not for your image
natalie516
Jul. 13th, 2010 08:37 am (UTC)
:-) It really has been awhile...livejournal is harder to keep up with when I'm not in school!

How've you been?
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

Latest Month

April 2011
S M T W T F S
     12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930

Page Summary

Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Lizzy Enger