I think I am losing my touch at writing or something. I used to be able to whip out 1-2 page papers like there was no tomorrow or in a matter of minutes. Perhaps I have too much on my mind or perhaps, I just think too damn much. Sometimes it is scary being me…no matter what I do, I seem to always want more. Perhaps that is just human nature…I always try not to dwell on the past, or things in general, but it is starting to get difficult.

What would I be like if I always followed the straight and narrow? Would I really be better off? I just don’t see myself in the life where I get married, have kids, have a house with white picket fence, and going to church on Sundays. One, I. am not religious…2. I just want something more than that. I am seeking…something. I just don’t know what it is really.

I wish I knew why I have these urges to run sometimes. At least 2 times a year I just want to run away…from everything…from who I am…from where I am…perhaps to find someone I CAN become. I envy those who are happy with little…not little as in they have no jobs or anything. But there are people out there who don’t have the same hunger as I for living…they are content with their life now, some even find their life to be exciting, whereas I, find their lives rather dull. I am not saying I dislike myself, or I hate my life, because I love who I am…there is just something seriously missing, I just wish I knew what it was. It is actually quite maddening.

I also wonder…can anyone keep up with me? I doubt most men or anyone wants to live the way I wish to…oh well…back to the paper on Social Engineering…