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Always thinking of another man...

lol...bad me right? Well...I woke up this morning and saw something hanging from my wall. Someone I was friends with briefly had written something called "Treatise In Regards to Love and Things Pertaining". I liked him...I wonder where is now and if he is ok?

I wanted to share it with everyone because his feelings on things are so well written...

Love is the most curious thing in the world. Some strive to understand it without truly feeling it; an impossibility as great as a blind man contemplating sight or a deaf man imaging what sound must be like. Then there are those that never comprehend the depths of the emotion, the feeling, but are as deep in love as one who knows the difference between eros and filial love. Is the love a child feels towards his or her aged grandparent really that much different than what is returned? I think yes and no would be the most appropriate answer. The affection is there, but times tests it, weathers it. Love should never be used as a tool, because the heart cannot be predicted nor is it predictable. Love should come from there, however, and not from some mental conception of what Love should be. Love simply is, and all of us have it in our hearts to feel this very powerful emotion.

But with power comes responsibility, right? Shouldn’t love be treated differently? It changes more lives than any other feeling, including the power of rage, hate, and fear. It’s funny how the English language has only the word “love” to express this feeling, encompassing so much, where the very similar emotions of hate, rage, and fear are all denoted with their own word.

So why is love so elusive? It seems that no matter how we go about it, we can’t select who we fall in love with. I don’t mean some poster girl or movie star. The lack of interaction precludes real love. Love is looking into the eyes of another person, someone who is present in our reality. One cannot truly fall in love with a fantasy, no matter how one convinces oneself. A labored sentence. True nevertheless.
Love seems to evade me as well. People seem to be good at falling in love with people who are either not ready to receive it or are blind to it. The frustration this causes is indescribable. I, like any other, follow my heart to someone only to feel the bitter rejection and have no one to blame but myself. I can’t really blame someone else for not falling in love with me, right? That would be foolish as blaming the fans at a losing team’s football game. They were merely willing spectators to your inner defeat. With your own heart.

But then there is someone who shares your feelings, at the same time in your life. Their heart desires love, and you are the target. What do you do? If you are smart you let your heart lead. Certainly you could get hurt in the end, or even during. But the seeds that you plan surely will grow, and the final product will be visible to everyone you come in contact with, although you might be blind to your feelings. Someone who is alone witnessing two people together can immediately feel their feelings for one another, even if they can’t or won’t. The lonely might not know love, but even the slightest bit projects from a couple can touch their empty souls. This is truth.
Back to what I was saying. Don’t listen to your head. Your head is stupid in matters of love. The way you feel, the way you can’t eat, can’t sleep, the way you sweat when you think of this other person, that is how you will know. Not mere physical beauty, not social standing, not even a good friendship. I have been friends with members of the opposite sex for years without ever loving them in the way I describe here. I care for their welfare and would do what I can to help t hem, and not necessarily expecting the same in return, but what I describe is what you see in the one you want to love for the rest of your life.

I felt that way once, when I was nineteen. I had met the love of my life, my first love. What little I knew then, but the symptoms were there: loss of appetite, loss of sleep, a craving like no other to spend every waking moment with the other person. Even in retrospect I cannot lie and say it was simply lust. A young man lusts continuously. This was very different.

Well, the love didn’t last. After the infatuation was gone, reality set in. Love, all by itself, might start with a bang but like a perennial flower it must be nurtured to survive long. That’s where the head finally comes into the mix. The heart selects, you see, but only knowledge, the head, the smarts, the know-how, will make a love last beyond mere passion.

An understanding of the other person is key. Some fall in love at first sight, some after a long time with the “significant other.” I’d like to digress a bit to say I hate that phrase. It’s what your head, the mind, would select as a name for someone you care about. Ugh. But back to love, I think, I know…that beyond the first phase, some serious cooperation is what’s needed. Knowing the persona behind the person, that’s critical. It only comes with time. The smart, pragmatic lovers do this before any sort of lifelong commitment is reached. The fools, like myself, rush in.
But I have learned from my mistakes, although I am far from altruistic in my love matters now. Quite the opposite. My heart still does my deciding, but in the meantime, to fill the time gaps of my (extremely) patient heart, I seek more empirical delights. Why I do this is beyond me, as it distracts me from my goals, and confuses my heart. A teacher cannot instruct on an unknown subject. A heart cannot work without stimuli. Stimuli comes from interpersonal contact. And with that comes situations that cause the heart to become distracted.
Notice throughout this treatise on Love I have expressly left out Lust. Lust has nothing to do with love. Lust is not the product of an empty heart; some of the most lustful are (happily?) married. Lust comes from a divorce of heart, mind, and body, leaving the body to do what it thinks it should, leaving the others out of the equation. This might sound like holistic bullshit to some, most even, but it’s true. You can’t possibly lust after someone in your head or heart. It’s merely physical, and the physical comes from the body.

When someone caves into lust, he or she does things that the heart and mind would certainly regret in one or another later. Often it is the body that suffers too. Marriages born out of lust happen quite often, but are gilded and insincere. Lust is not a feeling that can be sustained for very long, not after the body is sated. This is truth. Love and lust are like oil and water, contrary to popular belief, and cannot be mixed. One cannot lust for someone that is truly loved and vice versa. Lust is not a component of love. It’s simple really. If you have intercourse with someone, and upon completion you feel like leaving, like there I no point in staying you felt lust and now the feeling is gone, leaving you with nothing. ON the other hand, if afterwards you feel compelled to stay, like you have finally found home, and there is no place you would rather be, then more likely you fell love. Of course, this is a man’s point of view. I’m not here to speak for the fairer sex, unfortunately.

I’m sure I’ll be writing more about the subject. Suffice to say there has been more nonsense, more opinionated crap, more utter stupidity written, spoken, or thought about love than any other topic. I’d bet my life on it

Part Two on my “treatise” on love and relationships and all that mess is in order. I suppose someone who had read the first part would think me mad, separating mind, body, and heart into different factions. It’s not technically those organs per se, it’s what they represent. Maybe what I call the “heart” originates from the brain stem or right parietal love or whatever. I’m no neurosurgeon. But I think I understand why people do what they do in matters of love.

We, the human race, if you make it really empirical and take out all the other factors…well, we’re looking for someone (or have found them). Yeah, most scientists would say we are animals and men simply want to impregnate everything not moving faster than four miles an hour and women are forced to select from this hormonally-charged gene pool. I think it’s absolute bullshit. WE love, we lust. IF lust is the natural form of mankind, then cancel my membership. That’s insane…I’m not a monkey with less hair and a better smile…I’m a human for God’s Sake. And I expected to be treated like one and not patronized by “scientists” that have never traveled out of their labs longer than to head home and order a pizza for dinner. What do these socially retarded individuals know of love?

Same goes for the so-called love shrinks. They spend their late teens and twenties with their nose in books working on their doctorates so they can make some inane thesis on relationships in the twentieth (now the twenty-first) century. Would you trust your friend for tips on how to fix your car just because his car is nicer than yours? Nice degrees a wise man do not make.

So who can you trust? Me? Hardly. I’m no expert, but most people who haven’t had their nose in books since diapers tend to see the same trends as I do. Attachment, lack thereof…stir in the world and repeat. If you’re blessed in love, then turn to your luv muffin or whatever you call your “significant other” (again, I hate this phrase…damn PC) and say, “This guy is full of crap, honey bunches. Why, we don’t have any of these problems! Call the 2.5 kids in for dinner.” But back to reality. IF you’re really a member of the Generation X (Another dumb cliché) then this should be like preaching to the choir.

I already went over what you “should” experience if you’re in love (again, male perspective) if you’re like me a typical guy. Or so I think. Even the gruff types among would have to admit they’d really rather find the “Perfect Woman” than go hunting for Ms. Right Now in seedy bars every night; or every other night. Whatever. The point is, denial is useless. Locker room discussions aside, one must face reality.
Okay, enough speaking for the entire male species. Back to relationships. Ugh. The hated word of men. What is mean anymore? I hear it used to be six dates and you were “going steady.” What is that nonsense? Now a guy has to depend on a girl to tell him where they are in the relationship. I think this would make a better guide:

One date: Nothing. Unless you got a goodnight kiss, or this gal is a good friend anyway. Otherwise it’s like getting a ball on your first pitch (no guys, this is an analogy here).

Two dates: Something more than nothing. More like having a grain of salt. Yes, something…but really nothing. Keep going.

Three-five dates: Umm, unless one of you is lying to the other, you actually have something. At least you can stand the sight of one another, apparently.

Five+ until marriage: You’re going out, Guy lingo. Women might say, “we are seeing one another” or other such euphemistic B.S. Ignore unless in presence of said person or a close friend, or forego your sanity.

Marriage: She’s your wife, hombre. Till death or expensive legal action do you part. Of course this is the basic operating system. Relati0onships 1.1 will be out shortly.

Yes this is basically how guys view things. I Try to use the female system (I would need several reams to explain their system) when I can, it’s like learning a new language. I should get credits towards my degree for attempting to understand how women see things. It’s like studying abroad (NO pun intended, and stop snickering).

I’m not trying to widen the gap between the ever-closing male and female way of viewing relationships. It’s just that there are some things that are not going to be bridged, really. Not anytime soon.

So you say you find someone you’re in love with>? Great, right? Well, sorta. If you don’t know how to go about letting this person know your feelings, you’re screwed. Even worse than if they don’t feel the same way. Love doesn’t have to be at first sight. So what do you do?

Well, like I mentioned before, don’t rush in. Being romantic is nice, but don’t smother the poor filly with love letters, poems, flowers, etc. Save your money and literary skills for when you screw up and put your foot in your mouth or stand her up or…ad nauseum. Ask the woman out on a date…simple, right? For the shy…well, I guess there is no hope. Get some backbone. And if she asks what the date is going to consist of, tell her that because you are asking, then you are doing the planning and she’ll have to wait and see. This usually works.

Next, plan. Dinner and a movie…wow, you’re a regular Casanova. Instead, substitute something for the movie, or if the date is late, the dinner. Something that will show who you really are. If you take her to some sweaty gym to pound iron, the so be it. A woman sees a dinner and a movie as a cop-out by a guy who doesn’t do anything interesting enough on his own. Your shared activities are a reflection on your own life. If you go back and play video games all night with her, she’ll know where you stand. Hint: don’t do this unless your date is sixteen and if you’re a real Gen Xer, you better not be dating children (Arkansas, Kentucky, and West Virginia exempt).

And for God’s Sake don’t do something that you know she will just love but has nothing to do with you, like go to the mall or her parent’s house or whatever. You can’t show who you are in these situations. Well, a little. Not enough. And don’t take her to a big social function. No one likes to meet a zillion people in one night that they don’t know. She doesn’t have Alzheimer’s; don’t maker her feel like it.

Well that’s the first date. After that no advice. Play it by ear. There are no good second dates. Second dates are the worst because both parties will expect at least a good of a time as they had before. Expectation skill the fragile seed of what we’re looking for here.

Sigh. If you actually believe all this…well, thanks. If not, do whatever suits you and good luck.

Well here goes more spouting off about a subject I claim to know no more of than the average Joe. So get out your grain of salt and read further at your own risk.

Covered love, relationships…what else? How about what drives us when we are seeing someone? What is it that brings us back? Is it the struggle between love and lust again? I’ve already mentioned they are mutually exclusive; you can lust but not love and vice versa. So where do we stand then? Well, if you are merely seeing someone to fill the gaps in your schedule, than that isn’t love. Love is wanting to spend as much time as possible with the other person. Simple. If you find yourself feeling down when you’re not with the object of your affection, that’s a clear sign of something more than a passing fancy. Believe me.

So you have your opposite sex acquaintance…big deal. Dime a dozen. If you’re patient, sometimes it might mature into something more (maybe?) but don’t force it. Like I have said, love isn’t conscious. It just happens. The feeling, that is. The expression of love better be concrete and material or else you’re gonna be plenty lonely in life.

Which brings me to the “friends with benefits.” This is akin to walking through a house fire doused in gasoline…you will get burned…or the other person will. There will come a time when one person involved will want to be more serious and not have the feeling returned (women seem to get burned more often…) and this creates an ultimatum of sorts that cannot be ignored. Either fold or call…that’s it. A relationship consisting of two people that desire a different situation requires some change, soon. Reality can be a bitch, but she’s never wrong.

So how do you see what’s going on before you pull this ultimatum crap? Test the lady. Give her eleven roses on purpose. If she count sthe roses and asks where the twelfth rose is, well, she’s demanding…and not very appreciative. FI she merely says, “Thanks,” or something to that effect, well, congrats, you have a winner. Now at least you have a clue as to whether continue your charade further. Relationship, I mean.

Women do this too, more than men. Men, as with popular belief, give far less though on average to the relationship. Women often come out and say, “I love you,” as if there is a set line that men should comfortably spout out. I’m not talking about those folks celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversary here either. I’m talking about the woman who wants to test the guy.

If the gal is smart, I mean really savvy, she’ll ask you this when you’re with your friends. This is absolutely the man’s worst nightmare in most cases. Male pride. Gotta love it, right? If a guy says, “Yes,” unequivocally then well, he damn well means it. In this case.

The dumb woman will ask the guy just as he’s taking her lace panties off. Duh. A guy will agree with whatever you say at this point, and I mean anything. Don’t make a guy use his brain when his cognition is obviously not working with the correct organs.

And as for after whatever dirty acts you make commit, a guy will be pretty “open” to suggestion for about half an hour. Therefore, don’t discuss anything important, especially in regards to relationships. Talk about something else. Sheesh.

Ok, enough of the Sermon from the Mount. Let us discuss something else, shall we?

Breaking up. My, finally arrive at this subject. Like the song goes, breaking up is hard to do. No one is ever truly happy, but sometimes someone has to cut his or her ties for whatever reason. I can’t begin to list all the reasons, but the usual is you find you’re just not as attracted to the person as you thought when you started dating. Or whatever you two did. People grow apart, or simply learn things about the other person that throw them off. If you’re lucky, it will happen early. The way to speed the process is to be objective about what’s going on and seek answers from the other person. Don’t lie to yourself and another person just to remain together or make him or her happy. That’s B.S. and it will just bit you in the ass in the end. I do know this much. Wanna see my bite marks?

So say Person A wants to break up with Person B over irreconcilable differences. OK. There is no good way really. Thought wise ol’ Jeremiah might have an answer huh? Heck no. But I’ve found that the worst thing to do is make things go down in flames. This might make you feel better, but remember, the world is bigger than A and B…B has friends, acquaintances, etc. Breaking things off easy is the way to go.

What about remaining friends? After a breakup, about the last thing most people want to do is be friendly with the other person. If you can manage it, great. I find that regression in a relationship is a hard burden to bear…maybe it will work out for me sometime, and we might land on Pluto someday too. More likely.

Happy reading I suppose...it has been forever since I have read these...as I get older I grasp more and higher understanding to what he speaks of. I am so glad that I met him...

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