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A drive to New Hampshire/Emotions

Just returned from New Hampshire...whew...not a bad drive...lol...I totally thought it was going to take me a hell of a lot longer to get there, but it didn't. :D

Why did I drive to New Hampshire you ask? Let me tell you...I spent the past 3 hours talking to my friend caballero about emotions and feelings. Why? Because I'm confused as all hell about mine...and feelings and emotions in general. During my years of dating, observing people, and falling outs with others whether friend or more...I've come to a simple realization. Feelings are not something meant to be mastered or controlled by one's whims. To be able to feel completely is the most beautiful and purest form of living. I've learned that one cannot put a time frame on how one's feelings progress. Exempli gratia, one cannot presume that love at first sight does not exist, or that rapid feelings of deep caring for another cannot be true because of the brevity of relations.

However, after having consulting for a few hours with caballero and discussing my recent dream that got me thinking about what it is I truly want in a guy and in a relationship...everytime I date someone I always get closer, but I'm not quite there...I wonder if I will ever meet that person in my dream, if I will ever be able to feel that deep emotion, that emotion that seemed to reach beyond my soul.

In conclusion, controlling one's feelings only lead to making one miserable. Why? Living life without natural emotional reactions and feelings leads to one viewing the world only in black and white. One misses out on so many other colors, opportunities, and people that one could experience. That in turn forces that person into a very narrow life-style. How could one say that he has lived his life to the fullest when he can't even feel? When he can't even love or care...or even choose to...for that matter, even want to? And on that note, the reciprocation of effort is hardly evident in those who choose to control their emotions. Particularly with me, I am such a passionate, emotional, and feeling person that I find it difficult and almost heart-breaking to not want to do things for people that I care about, however, when those feelings cannot be returned I grow weary...and so very tired of constantly feeling as though I am always putting in so much more than that other person. I wonder sometimes when I will meet someone who can return the same amount of fervour that I do...I wonder sometimes whether it is possible. After awhile I feel unappreciated...as though all the qualities that I feel I have, such as, intelligence, wittines, et cetera, goes unacknowledged. For once I'd like to meet someone who I feel truly appreciates me for all I have to offer, because I know I have a lot to offer...

Related Links...
Difficulty of people
Kind of Girl I am
Unconditional Love
Definition of Devotion
He Is
Treatise In Love


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 12th, 2003 06:37 am (UTC)
Not that I have talked to you much but take my input as you will. You seem like a very special girl and deserve to find everything you are looking for. I am not saying that you should find some perfect guy that does e3verything right because that would be boring as all hell. Need a little disagreement to keep life interesting but neither should you settle for someone that does not appreciate you for who you are and what you are willing to do for them. Well enough from the peanut gallery time to go blow up a cisco router lol Hope the day finds your smile as big as the one you give others.
Sep. 12th, 2003 06:48 pm (UTC)
Re: hmmm
Aww...thanks so much...that makes me feel better. I just wish I could find someone and date someone who feels that I am special and will appreciate me for who I am. *hug*
Sep. 12th, 2003 01:17 pm (UTC)
Well said!
Sep. 12th, 2003 06:45 pm (UTC)
Well thanks :)
Sep. 13th, 2003 05:59 pm (UTC)
Where in NH? Next time you decide on a drive, you should come visit in Concord. :)
Sep. 13th, 2003 06:03 pm (UTC)
Re: soo...
hehe...yeah! I am thinking of going to Concord, New Hampshire next Sunday (not tomorrow, but next Sunday) we should grab drinks or something! :) or dinner, whatever! hehe...I will let you know!
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )