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Choices, Fate, and Destiny...

Warning...this journal entry may be erratic as well as incomprehensible, I may also be using words that are not used in the everyday language, causing you to get a dictionary ;)

I have been reading some interesting things...reading various books, living my life, and I have been very happy as of late. I attribute my new effervescent happiness to my boyfriend, drchase. This form of happiness is foreign to me. To be honest I have never been this happy with someone I've been dating. I even asked my friends ronalum and caballero if I seem different. ronalum said, "Aren't you glad things didn't work out with Jason?" lol...it is funny. I've been thinking a lot about what has brought me to where I am, who I am and why I'm here. And I do not mean I am contemplating the meaning of life or even the meaning of my life. I have been more excogitative as how I got to where I am. It has caused me to reflect more on destiny, fate, my life, and my choices.

I suppose I would have to ask myself, "Do I believe in destiny or fate?" To be honest...I am one of those people who will not discard things just because it has never been proven. For example, I do not disbelieve in magick, because it has yet to be disproved. I believe things can be scientifically argued as well as theoretically and philosophically argued well. However, I digress, I believe that everyone has a choice. They have a choice on how they wish to live their lives however; one cannot control the things that will impact them that are external. You cannot change what someone truly thinks of you. You may have actions to deflect to blow directly, but deep down in that other person, he will think what he will of you.

I used an example yesterday while chatting with caballero that there have been many paths, cruxes, crossroads in my life where if I had chosen a different way the probability of being where I am do today is slim. On some levels it is scary, on other levels it is fascinating. It is scary in the sense that I would not be in Boston. That leads to me not being with David...and I know it sounds odd as David and I have not been dating long. Yet, I am drawn to him and he has become an important part of my life in the short period of time. It has been a rather difficult road to get to where I am with him today, but it was worth it. At the time when I was upset or angry with him it really did not seem that way, but in hindsight I am so glad I stuck it through. I focus most on David because I know that I would have been successful in my business life no matter what had happened, because that is who I am. I go for what I want and I succeed. This is where fate and destiny sort of intertwine...though I would have been successful in my business life that does not mean my personal life would be successful. I say this with certainty because as I stated above, one cannot control the people around him (unfortunately).

This may sound odd...but I know that if I had not met David none of this would really matter. I would not have ever experienced this happiness, therefore, I would know I was missing nothing. However successful I may have been I would have been missing that something and just never have known what it was. Now, that I do know what it is? I would not trade it for the world. My decisions in my life are solid; I have no regrets, I wish for nothing to change. I am where I am because of the choices and opportunities I had in life.

What if I had chosen to not attend Seattle University, I could have had my picks of Stamford University, University of Washington, Western Washington University, and University of Puget Sound. If I had gone to Stamford would I have met and dated a nice Californian boy? The reason for my choices were silly to say the least...I chose to not go to Stamford because I hate the weather in Cali. I chose to not go to UW because EVERYONE and their mom goes there. I did not really want to live in Bellingham because there is nothing to do there. So it really came down to UPS and SU. Funny...I went to SU because UPS had sold their Law School to them. My original 10 year plan? Double major in History and English and go to Georgetown for Law School. Why? Because Seattle University was affiliated with Georgetown. lol...I would have ended up on the East Coast anyway...I just realized that...

Instead...I decided I did not want to go to Law School...so June 1999 I changed my major to Computer Science. I will never forget my first week there...I was frantically running around trying to change my major from Civil Engineering to Computer Science. Why? Because when I had requested the change the idiot person put me down for CE versus CS *roll eyes* God, I was so irritated...it was so much paperwork and so much bureaucracy...

I am also very against of joining things where I felt were segregated to my race...so my choices get weirder. Since I decided to not go to Law School my 10 year plan changed to a 4 year plan. Roughly lined out, Sophomore year get an internship with a good company for the next 2 years and hopefully get a job with them when I graduate. Now the problem I had? How was I going to get said internship? I went to my school career center and they were not very helpful. So I decided to join something called INROADS. They had a job fair...it was really funny. They had advised that we chat as much as we could to the HR people. I did not...at that point I was bored out of my mind so the last company I dropped off my resume to was GE. I was pretty depressed for a few months as I got no bites as the job fair was in mid-February. I got a phone call near the end of April for a phone interview with GE. :) Then 2 weeks later I got the job! Started mid-June and had a complete blast. I loved my year there and was thoroughly disappointed when they moved the company to Stamford. My boss had assured me though that if they were staying they would have loved to have kept me on for the following year. I also told my boss that I would never move to the east coast because Seattle was my home. LOL...*looks at where she's at now*

Ahh well...I ended up getting a job with SAFECO shortly after my last day at GE. Another company I hoped that I would dig my roots into and stay after graduation. Alas...it was just not meant to be. Though I was fortunate enough to get an interview with them, it just did not work out. Ahh...then so shortly before graduation about 2 weeks before graduation to be exact...I get a phone call from Nike and a phone call from Gillette. I remember when I first got the phone call from Gillette...617...I had no idea where the hell that was. I ended up looking it up on-line either. To be perfectly honest? I did not even remember applying for a job with them, but I have must or else I would not have received the phone call, right? In one week I went to Portland, then two days later I flew out to Boston. Oh how exciting that was for me. I remember when I left Boston I thought to myself, "I would love to live here...meet a man here..." Funny that I thought of that isn’t it? As soon as I got home I began to search for people from the ages of 23-30 who had interests similar regarding Boston College, Boston University, Harvard, Northeastern University, and MIT. Why? I wanted to meet guys and girls around my age. *nod* I ended up adding a few people...I do not remember who is who anymore. I do of course remember adding drchase :) My sole reason for adding him? I thought he was cute...lol...I know. Well that and he was in school, 23, and he was about to graduate with the same degree that I was, not to mention he seemed intelligent enough. God...I remember the late conversations him and I had...lol...we talked until 0300 PST OMG...poor thing...I felt so bad because of the 3 hour time difference, but flattered. We did that for so long... :) Anyhow...lol...I am really straying off topic here.

I made the choice to move here...I made the choice to add drchase...I made the choice to meet him when I did...was it fate? Was it meant to be? Look at the job opportunities I had...and yet, here I am...in Boston. I have a great job, a nice apartment, a wonderful boyfriend...to be honest, I cannot recall the last time I was so happy. It is like a dream...it has got me thinking of how I got here...why I chose the things I did. Obviously at this moment in time those choices were valid and perfect for me. In all honesty...of all the men in Boston and all the men I have met...what were the chances I would have met him? How could it be anything but destiny?

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