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Everything has a price...

So...I was listening to this song yesterday (As you can see, most songs make me think. Music has always been a big part of my life) and it got me thinking of the prices that some people pay either for money, for love, and even their own integrity. I think back at how I was a year ago...I would have been the fool that sought happiness in money. Funny...now I can't even think of money making me happy. I wish that I had started this journal long ago, it would have been interesting to see the difference in who I am now, to who I was then.

Brief synopsis of who I was...
I was incredibly high maintenance, I wanted as much attention from the man dating me as possible, I wanted him to take me out a lot...buy me "stuff". lol...it is so laughable now. I get none of that and I am okay...(shake head) I am not sure if that is bad or good.

Brief summation of who I am right now...
I would be happy dating someone who just knew how to treat me with respect and kindness. Going out doesn't matter too much, though I love doing outdoor things. However, I am perfectly okay cuddling at home and watching TV. Don't get me wrong...I love romance...Kalen has written me quite a few love letters as well as picking out romantic cards. Funny how he broke out the "money" part of me and showed me what it means to really love someone.

I have also noticed that I am constantly reflecting upon myself, who I am, and how I treat others. I have been for the past month or so...the reasons are more in what I am beginning to notice in myself and I see that I am really growing up.

Perhaps this is wrong, however, I have been critiquing others in my life...

I don't understand why some people are afraid of living. That is how I see it. I have a few friends who are too scared to look for jobs, whether the economy is the way it is or what, I don’t really know. So they just don’t look...(shake head) this honestly confuses me beyond belief and I wish someone would explain it to me. Perhaps they do not wish to leave Seattle...Seattle is great, but you need to gain yourself and your own life, so if leaving here is what you have to do to accomplish that, then so be it. They gain nothing for not even trying...and if they try and are rejected they should just keep trying. How hard is that? Another friend tried to explain it to me by telling me that everyone is different and everyone reacts differently. I told her about Kalen and how he doesn't stop trying and life screws him over a lot...and she replied that he had to grow up faster...but ya know what? We all have to grow up sometime. The real disappointing part is those friends that are scared are about 5-7 years older than me. This makes me wonder...will men and women always be like this? Are there so few men and women who are brave enough to apply themselves?

To me, I don't see the point of having a life where you are going to be scared to apply yourself. Why bother? Why bother going to school and trying to improve who you are as a person if you are too afraid to apply yourself in the real world when you graduate? At that point, you just wasted $40,000+ on education. Great, you have a degree, so now what?

I am absolutely terrified to graduate...happy, but terrified. I have no idea what will to happen to me out there, but there is no way in HELL that I am NOT going to look for a job...I already have about 1000+ companies that I am going to apply for, I shit you not, they are all listed in an Excel file, alphabetical order, with addresses and descriptions.

Sorry...this entry is particularly unorganized. This is one of the few times that I have moments of peace and can think properly.

The point of this particular journal entry...was to point out that everything has a price and I am curious as to what yours is. I tend to be a person who doesn't question consequences unless the decisions are big, i.e. School, Job, Relationship. However, to be successful in life...what would one sacrifice? And what exactly does it mean to be successful? If I saw being successful as just finding the man of my dreams, even if he was poor as dirt and we lived in a trailer, would people see me as successful? If they didn't, would it really matter? Hmm...I don't think it would matter to me. My parents would absolutely freak and say stuff like, "You are settling...We raised you better than that...You are too smart for this..." yada, yada, yada...funny how my priorities in life have changed. Don't get me wrong…I am not going to try to be poor or anything. All I am saying is that I would go to great...lengths and sacrifices for love versus money. The only question is...would the price be worth it. I think that I would make any sacrifice as long as it did not crush my integrity/morals and that the goals I have in life for myself would not be affected too drastically as there is always room to compromise. Would I leave school for a man? Probably not, I would hope that the person loved me enough to see how important school is to me. Would I quit a job and move to another location for a man, most definitely. I could always find another job.

So this song talks about two people who were in love...he travels a great deal because that is what he wanted to do, however, she wanted to stay in their hometown as she could not imagine being anywhere else. He says he sees her in:

Albuquerque waitin' out a blizzard
Arizona dancin' 'cross the desert
Watchin' the sun set in Monterey
Girl I swear just the other day you were
Down in Georgia pickin' them peaches
In Carolina barefoot on the beaches
No matter where you choose to be
In my heart I'll always see you

He made a sacrifice to follow his dream as did she...in the song she has a man who's home every night...(worried) I wonder what I will do if given that option... I would much rather be with the one I am in love with and stay with them versus traipsing across the country...but if that was my dream and my goal? This is where the compromise would have to kick in...are prices ever too staggering to even contemplate? Hmm...

That being said…what would you sacrifice, and what price would you see as too staggering?

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