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Poor Life Choices

...everyone makes them, but do they regret them as much as I? My mind is sometimes works in strange ways...and not always in wondrous ways. Occasionally I look at my life and think to myself, "I'm doing pretty well with my life..."...then the other half is says, "Are you?" Have I really accomplished as much as I would have liked? In all honesty...no. God this is starting to sound whiny...and by no means do I intend to sound that way, more reflective than anything else. There is so much that I want to do...and I was hoping to have accomplished before I left the "sanctity" of 25. Ok...that must sound stupid...but I know how quickly time goes by and to be honest I really don't appreciate it.

I feel like that episode of Family Guy where Brian has been writing his book for so many years and Stewie calls him on it for not having finished. :-/ yes...I know...but I'm tell you, you can find examples of Family Guy and Seinfeld in everyday life :-) Things I thought I would have been successful at by now...

1. I would have my Masters or at least be working on it.
2. Own a new car.
3. Own a house.
4. Seriously looking into living in another country - right now...still a pipe dream...
5. Be a proficient skier...snowboarder...ice skater...kayaker...sky diver...
6. Speak German, Greek, and French fluently.

blah blah blah...the list goes on really. I know I can't do everything...and I know realistically I can't expect to accomplish have the things I want to do with my life, but I really want to...but apparently not enough to actually do it, just enough to think about it. *sigh* I suck sometimes. I need to be more focused...I am currently working on a synopsis for my first novel...I am working on speaking German as well...perhaps it would suit me to have a once a month milestone times where I just reflect on what I could have done better that month? I've been doing it for my workouts on a weekly basis...but my life, unfortunately, isn't just about going to the gym and going to work...

Sometimes...I envy those who are just happy with their life...who don't really feel the need to work towards other things because they are quite satisfied with what they have. Not to say there is anything with that mindset, because there is not...I just envy that I am not like that. It's like no matter how much money I make, what I do, where I am...I always want more, will the more be better? I'm not sure...I just know that I desire to have it. I envy those who aren't as critical of themselves as I am...I wonder if that's normal...I criticize what I eat...what I wear...how I speak...how I write...how I do my job...how does one take so many beatings and not go crazy? Do I self-consciously think it's ok and consciously think it isn't?

Ironically, I've been accused by those closest to me of having a very A-type personality...and even more ironically others that are equally close to me declare that I am a B-Type personality...maybe I'm just a split personality. :-) Sometimes I can be the most laid back person you have ever met and there are other times I am so intense you are sure that my brain will be exploding any minute. Personally, I don't enjoy either personality all that much. I hate being too serious, but I also dislike being so laid back that I don't care about anything. It is also funny how I can so easily shut myself off from people and from the world...there are times when it is just me...but I can do it within a moment when I feel like it.

Then again...I suppose I could always make my life so much simpler by removing desires to do things...but...that would be dreadfully boring wouldn't it? ;-)

My...what an interesting flow for a journal entry...stream of consciousness at it's best...or worst.

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