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Today I am feeling particularly centered and at peace...that means this journal entry will be rather disparate as my writing flows to stream of consciousness versus a more outlined one. I've been spending a lot of time thinking...and having many inner monologues...thinking is sometimes an odd thing. I always wonder how other people think...how their thought process works...are other's thoughts as unconnected as mine? When I speak with others I tend to think of at least...a minimum of 5 completely different things. As my brain is firing off thoughts I carefully construct what comes out of my mouth, lest I confuse people with too much sporadicity. I wonder why I have a difficult time focusing or dedicating myself to one thing at a time? Even when I do my best to focus on one thing, at most I can only put about 50% of my mind into it, while the other 50% gallivants off with completely unrelated topics.

I really like Blues music. As a matter of fact I'm listening to Pandora...key word "Etta James". I had a great time yesterday Blues dancing. I like it a lot!!! There is a lot more to the dance then I thought. WCS is, and will most likely always be, my favorite dance so my focus will always remain mostly on WCS...however, I find Blues quite intriguing as well. I am very excited to get more enthralled with it.

I'm definitely losing weight...it is always a funny thing...when you don't think about what you are doing (eating well, working out, et cetera) and then clothes aren't quite fitting as tightly as they used to...it's actually a really nice feeling! And also really crappy if you haven't owned the clothes for very long :-) Ahh well...I'm not really complaining, I'm actually quite thrilled. And as vain as this might sound, I am most excited about are wearing my old form fitting shirts that I have so many of! Also...never again will I let myself go as much as I have. It was so much easier just working out everyday and maintaining my smaller size then it is to lose weight from where I'm currently at. :-p I feel rather melancholy when I look at my older clothes and wish I could wear more of them...I'm also really looking forward to wearing skirts and dresses again...how weird. lol...I've always liked skirts and dresses, but I've never been one that was excessively girly...but oddly...I've been changing more towards that persona as I've gotten a bit older. I suppose one can only stay a tomboy for so long.

Music fascinates me...not just music, but how people interpret or hear music. Yes...I know for the most part that music is very predictable...but I'm always amazed that when one hasn't heard a song how they can feel...just FEEL the hits or the breaks or the repeated beats...then...I'm also curious about those who don't seem to hear the music at all. If I remember from science class, I believe it is the right side of the brain that helps those have more of an innate/affinity to hearing and feeling music...I do wonder what leads to that though. I know from a test that I took years ago that my right side is more dominant then my left side...which is why my brother would tease me and didn't think I'd really cut it in the School of Science and Engineering at my college. I've always leaned more towards the creative...I used to really like drawing and painting...I haven't done it in very long as my interest strayed to other things such as music, singing, and writing...I used to write poetry everyday...I laugh when I think about that now and wonder I managed to be that creative with poetry...I remember I wrote mainly of relationships...I wonder if I began poetry again what it run more towards...perhaps it would be more observations of life?

Speaking of music...I really want to take voice lessons...I need to research where I can do that. I've always wanted to do that...I miss singing in

I love observing people...one of my most recent enjoyable places to observe people was at Havana...lol...yes I hate Salsa music...but watching people was pretty amusing. I plan to go back soon and spend more time there and just hypothesize.

My sick joy of observing people leads to my next, and most likely final thought (for now ;-)), perception. The interacting, relationships, thoughts (trivial or otherwise) of people has always fascinated me. When someone says something, what is he truly thinking or feeling? Does he mean what he says, or is he a fantastic liar? When one says something socially unacceptable, is it really a surprise or do people agree? This observatory side of me always leads me to trouble...I tend to analyze...and be completely spot on which can be troublesome...or I can over-analyze and be completely...wrong. Yeah...I said wrong...I typically do not correlate that word to me ;-) Being wrong is even more troublesome...*sigh* Anyhow...the point is, the human nature and what people are capable never ceases to amaze me. Learning and understanding the true ins and outs of people is...well, the first word that pops into my mind is that it is useful. I suppose, I should question...what are my motivations for truly understanding people...what is my incentive? Or is it really idle curiosity? :-) I also am interested in how much people actually share with individuals and is actually true or merely what is socially seen as appropriate/correct? And even if you don't think that the latter is real? It most certainly is. I have been in many social situations where I am not truly myself, and instead I am what society would deem as appropriate. This includes to my words, my behavior, my facial expressions...and of course...my attitude. I suppose one reading this would think, "That's a little strange"...but is it? I'm certain that everyone does this...the question is to what level people do it at...and then my next pondering is why go to such extremes? I will be the first to admit that I have at times completely changed my personality to "fit in" socially. And my reasoning isn't because I particularly care about what others think of me, but more that it is too much of a nuisance to explain my true behavior...or in essence, being questioned for who I truly am. I have no interest the majority of the time explaining myself to others. To be honest, there are very few individuals who really know me...who truly understand me...and those that I am myself with. And those individuals? Those are the ones that I explain myself to because I care to do so. The other interesting thing about perception...one's perception of himself is usually very disparate to what those around him think. I'm a fairly happy, optimistic/realistic individual...that is the one part of myself that I will genuinely share with others. Though my carefree attitude is perceived as some to be flighty, airheaded, or not particularly too bright. That perception of me amuses me the most. :-) And that perception is one that I will use to my advantage. After all...airheaded and not too bright people can't do much harm, right?

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