♥Natalie♥ (natalie516) wrote,

Do you ever wonder...

what it would be like to do something that you really love and are really passionate about? Something that when you wake up you can't wait to do your work? You are so enthralled with it you can only think of what more you can do to make your job better, to make those in the same role better, how to work best with your counterparts? Even when you leave all you can think of is all the wonderful things you need to do for the next day, or maybe you are such a workaholic that when you get home you want to continue working?

Yeah. I wonder that too.

Instead, my passion in life is more spread out. And none of my recreations make me money...but they sure do cost it! With the insane amount of things I enjoy doing I do wonder what I could classify as my love?

I really enjoy dancing...I find it fascinating how the body moves...how the rhythmic beats of music make me respond with emotion (that I like to deny I have)...this particular activity makes me feel things that I am not always comfortable feeling. Emotions wise, if it isn't joy, I like to keep the rest of my emotions under wraps if possible. I don't like feeling bad or negative, to the extreme of avoidance.

I love learning of new languages and new cultures. I love interacting with people from different places and learning about how they were raised, how they view things, why they view things the way they do. I like to analyze behaviors with thoughts of possibly incorporating them into myself if I find it agreeable.

I love writing...I started writing poetry and short stories when I was 8. It has always been outlet to express myself in a way that was not allowed or accepted in my household. I love my parents dearly...but emotions that are not favorable are not to be shared. Writing gave me the release I needed of pent up feelings I had to hide and deal with myself. I've never been comfortable sharing myself with others. Perhaps it is from how I grew up...in a house that was restrictive, harsh punishments, inability to really form your own original thoughts, lack of normal friendships and relationships because I moved so much...or maybe that's just who I am. Who knows? It's hard to say. Don't get me wrong...everyone has their issues from growing up. I wonder though, do they also question how wrong it was? Do they work hard to be different from how they turned out? Do they recognize their faults and work to restructure those parts of themselves? Or...do they simply accept who they are with the nonchalant phrase, "that's just who I am." Is it? If you find fault in yourself, should you put such little value on your ability and strength to change yourself and you merely accept that it is "just who you are"?

I did not have affectionate parents, does that mean I don't want to be affectionate? Not at all...in a very shy, timid sort of way I crave it...I am so sensitive...which is odd, I work so hard to build this shell around myself, while presenting that there is no shell...as I have gotten older I am getting so tired of keeping the shell up...but I fear letting it fall, or even weaken. It just makes me more tired having to work so hard.

Ha...this started with passions didn't it? I am passionate...but about too much. I am also such a fickle being, my passions flow like the wind during a tornado.

And yet...I still wonder...what would it be like to really be passionate about one thing in my life?

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