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The suffering of Ennui...

OMG...I don't think I could possible be anymore bored than I am right now...
I know this is off on a tangent...however:


As most of you know, on Saturday Kalen and I had the most wonderful night . However...there are some things that concern me. For instance...why this sudden interest is calling me so much? I am not joking...he has called me everyday, sometimes twice a day. Not that I mind, it is just such a 180 from how he was treating me before! He pretty damn well ignored me for almost 2 months...apparently he has forgiven me or something. I can tell that he still loves me a great deal.

So my thoughts on it is that he is afraid that he is going to lose me, so why does he feel like he is? Probably because to him I am getting along fine without him, I am happy, I am upbeat, I am dating. So why does that bother him? He isn't dating...he probably isn't very happy...and point blank, though this may sound egotistical, in a way he needs me. Don't get me wrong...I need him too. The one thing that I have learned is, yes I can be happy without him; however, the ultimate joy and happiness/pleasure I feel being with him is much greater than being without him. Him and I have changed a great deal, for the better, since we started dating. He has become more goal-oriented and I have become less superficial and much more patient.

Though I am not a very patient person when I am driving or shopping or doing something that puts me in a situation with many people, I am very patient with him.

On Tuesday...him and I made passionate love again...it was quite amusing however. We actually had sex at his friend's house. Of course I rode him...and he rode me...we did doggy style...we did missionary with my legs on his shoulders...and here is the funny part...he went to go get a drink and I was getting dressed at the time, he walks back in, takes off his clothes again and says, "What are you doing?" I told him, "I'm getting dressed" and he goes..."Take your clothes off, I'm not done with you" lol...I thought that was so funny...I love it when he is so controlling.

The second time around I did a reverse cowgirl, which I would strongly advice for you girls to try...he loved it! It was great, I slid him out of me almost completely and then slowly slid back down...guys love it when you do that. We also tried a different position where I am on my side...That ALSO feels incredibly good...(groan) okay...I am going to quit talking about sex in the bed...

Before we started having sex, I got on top of him and started kissing him...I stopped kissing him, I gently held his face in my hands, looked him in the eyes and said, "Kalen, I want you to listen to me" and he said, "Okay" and I said, "I love you, you love me, and we are going to get married" and he said, "Natalie, you're scaring me" I said, "Kalen, I am serious" and he said, "I know we are" and I said, "Then hurry up and get your shit together and quit fucking around. I am not your fuck buddy. And I will not stand to be treated as such." and he said, "I know and I will."

Hehe...I know...a little sly of me to ask him at that time...but I think next time he calls me for a booty call I will be holding out on him. I will go over and what not but I will not be having sex. I will tell him that he will talk to me about the emotional aspect of our relationship...trust me, our physical aspect does not need anymore assistance, we are perfect in that area.

I am scared that I won't be strong enough though...I will have to put more faith in myself as well as him. See...if he had come back to me because it was "I love Natalie and I am ready to be with her" that would be fine...however, it is more like, "I don't want to lose her, I have to do something to make sure she doesn't forget me and doesn't forget who her favorite penis is." Which, obviously I haven't or else I would have been fucking someone else long ago.

An additional funny...me, him, and his friend Charley were watching a porno. I started rubbing Kalen's cock...hahaha...it was sooo funny...he kisses me on my cheek and says, "You better not leave me like this" and I told him I wouldn't...hahaha...so we had sex in the kitchen...doggy style :)

On another note...I forgot my water bottle at Charley's...it is really funny...I asked Kalen to ask Charley and he said that I had forgotten it. He offered to go pick it up for me and then we could get together. I told him that I could go pick it up from Charley because I will be in the area tomorrow night and he said, "No...I will get it for you" hahaha...I think he is a little protective... Most likely because I had made a joke about me and Charley having sex...(shrug) Just wanted to see what his reaction would be to that...he didn't like that too much...also another thing that is interesting is he doesn't want me having sex with anyone else...which I am happy about :)

haha...okay okay...so anyway...I think this will close the session on this particular topic.




Mmm...can't wait for Thai food...I am going to go to Chantanee Family Thai Restaurant in Bellevue...yummy...I can't wait. Today is going to be a good day... :) Food...I'm hungry...

I also have to return some books to Half-Price Books. I accidentally bought two books that I already owned...I know I know...but hey! These books are old! I have had those books for a LONG time...at least 6 years...(shrug) Oh well...I think I will exchange them. :)

Hope everyone has a fabulous day at work...I guess I had better find something to do myself...

Comments

( 13 comments — Leave a comment )
cozmo
Aug. 8th, 2002 11:33 am (UTC)
you been to thai ginger? It's my favorite.
natalie516
Aug. 8th, 2002 12:47 pm (UTC)
Re:
Actually, I went to Thai ginger instead of Chantanee...I also love Thai ginger...yum...everytime I say I am going to go for Phad Thai though, I always get Red Curry... (Sigh)
cozmo
Aug. 8th, 2002 12:58 pm (UTC)
Re:
hahahaha. I ALWAYS get red curry. That stuff is SO DAMN GOOD. I dunno how they do it. The phad thai rocks too but I don't need 2 dishes ;)
natalie516
Aug. 8th, 2002 02:18 pm (UTC)
Re:
I know! It is horrible...I haven't had phad thai in so long! Ever since I tried red curry I've been addicted!
cozmo
Aug. 8th, 2002 02:28 pm (UTC)
Re:
I've tried to cook it myself but I just can't make it taste anything like theirs. Although, there's this phad thai recipe we've made a few times that is *really* good.
natalie516
Aug. 8th, 2002 02:35 pm (UTC)
did you get the curry in a can deal?
cozmo
Aug. 8th, 2002 02:48 pm (UTC)
Re:
I've tried several kinds. Most of them were the curry paste in a packet or jar. I think I tried the can stuff once too. I gave up eventually and decided that if I want good curry there's only one place to go, and that trying to make it myself would just be disappointing.
natalie516
Aug. 8th, 2002 04:11 pm (UTC)
Re:
Ooh...you know what else is good? It isn't Thai, but if you get something called "Golden Curry" they sell them at Top Foods and stuff...it is soo good...you can't mess up with this stuff...I add in my own potatoes, onions, peppers, chicken...anything you want...very yummy
cozmo
Aug. 8th, 2002 04:15 pm (UTC)
Re:
cool I'll have to check it out.
abdulsharif
Aug. 8th, 2002 03:57 pm (UTC)
I thought I saw you at the Desert Fire the other day.
natalie516
Aug. 8th, 2002 04:12 pm (UTC)
Re:
Nope, sorry, not I. I have never been to Desert Fire
abdulsharif
Aug. 8th, 2002 04:22 pm (UTC)
You should check it out. Great food and great atmosphere.
natalie516
Aug. 8th, 2002 04:54 pm (UTC)
Re:
I will, thanks
( 13 comments — Leave a comment )